How to be pregnant and alone: A survival guide

Major throwback: 2016

I’m not going to recommend it, honestly. You are much better off with a beautiful, loving, life partner. However, we don’t all come to pregnancy in the best of circumstances. For some of us, it wasn’t the plan. And even more so, the person who we came to have the baby with – wasn’t an ideal parent. Not everyone finds “the one”, I certainly didn’t get the fairy-tale wedding or white picket fence I envisioned. This isn’t a “feel sorry for me” story. Maybe you were expecting one. But this is not about the difficulty of carrying a child as a solo parent. If you know this struggle, then Sister I am with you all the way. Nobody can understand until they go through it. If you’re reading this and neither of these are problems you had to face, then I hope you never do. This is a survival guide. This is how I got through it with my sanity AND my pride intact.

So how? How do you face every day with prospect of going into motherhood or having your next child alone? There will be tears, there will be fears and there will be the unknown but there are some things that can help you get through it, so here they are.

1. Keep your life, your routine, whatever it is…

It may be counterintuitive... If you are near the end of your pregnancy than maybe this isn’t an option, but if you are early in your pregnancy then you have time to kill. Keep going to work, keep doing the things you enjoy. If you are studying stay at it. I worked and studied in my pregnancy and it kept my mind on positive things. PLUS the income or qualification/knowledge gained (right!?) Going through the motions will give you some normality. If you need a break, that’s fine too. Just don’t give up on the mundane stuff – it’s important. STAY BUSY

2. Exercise

Walking, yoga, swimming…. Maintaining your health and getting your endorphins going! It’s great for you baby too :D (Unless of course your doctor has specifically recommended against this)

3. Antenatal

Preparing for baby is essential, even if you’ve already had a baby there is still room to learn something. You may want to learn about pain relief (even if you don’t want it, its good to know in case of emergency). You can learn about breastfeeding and pretty much ask any pregnancy or child rearing advice in these forums. Yeah, a lot of the women in your class will have relationships or even happy marriages BUT you are certainly not the only one going through this. Not every antenatal will be the fit for you, as all teachers have different teaching styles and each class will be made up of different people. However, a network of people going through similar experiences, awaiting and planning for a new child- this will benefit you. They tend to be scheduled for mother due around the same time so you will have mummies to do play and coffee dates with when baby comes. Might even find some friends for life!

4. Take the baby vitamins!

It will help you with your cravings, moods and fatigue. They’re also, so so good for you!

5. Coffee dates with a mum-friend

Make contact with a friend or relative who has already had children. They will generally give you unsolicited advice anyway (LOL) but it’s so good to see and talk to someone who has been through it. Even better if they’re a solo mum, youll be able to see how she gets through the day. All my friends had children when I came to be pregnant so I was spoiled for options in terms of support and advice.

6. Pregnancy apps

There are lots to choose from now. Tracking your babies growth can be fun! Give it a go. These apps usually have support groups and educational resources as well.

7. A counsellor

Maybe it’s your thing, maybe it’s not. But an objective ear and sound, professional advice can do wonders for your life!

8. Nesting

Enjoy preparing for your baby, shopping, cleaning, getting their space ready. It’s a wonderful exciting time.

9. Midwife

If you don’t already have one, get one!

This person will be your rock through birth so I recommend choosing one that you vibe with. It’s so important to stay in contact and if you have health related concerns, your midwife is the go to.

10. Go back to your joy

Everyone has a passion, what are yours? Maybe you’re an artist of some sort, or maybe you really love volunteering in your community. Do that, make time for that. Healing has many sides and doing things your love can lighten your heart. <3

11. Paint your nails

12. Prepare your older children (if any) for the baby. Talk about how there will be a new little person in the house and how things will be a bit different. Some fun stories, movies or even games can make this process really fun!

13. Go for a walk

14. Go out for dinner / lunch – by yourself!

15. See a movie – preferably comedy (no romance please)

16. Buy an outfit – You’re growing every day so you will probably need to do this at some point anyway – maternity jeans and tights are your bff!

17. When you wake up in the morning, even if you don’t have anything scheduled – have a shower, get dressed, put make up on – Self care is AMAZING for your self esteem and the way you feel for the rest of the day.

18. Get your hair done

19. Write letters or messages for your baby.

Both my children have email accounts. I write them things and have a google docs folder where I upload ALL their photos to see when they’re old enough to access it. Some mums write letters the old fashions way by hand and seal them in envelopes which is SO COOL!

20. Get insurance

21. Get a car (and a licence)

22. Book a maternity photo shoot – 9 months may seem to go fast but when you’re in it -it is forever! Still, one day you will want to look back at this time, when you carried your. baby and professional photo shoot is just the thing for your IG account or living room wall.

23. Make plans. (Even if you don’t stick to them.)

24. Gratitude journal. You can get proper ones! But a notebook is fine! Every day/or night, write 5 things down that you are grateful for. This is so good to look back on when you’re feeling like crap. Some people do gratitude jars, and write on small pieces of paper – filling up a jar. Same thing, different medium. <3 Practicing gratitude consciously will change your life.

These are just some of the ways to get through. But please k now that MANY mothers have been in this positions before you. I did it, you can too Sista!.