Engaging in civil, polarized conversations: Because not everyone is going to agree with you

Artwork: Painting by Michel Tuffery: "Te Maro and Solander, two intellectuals from opposite sides of the world, 1769"

I am in an intellectual and emotional bind. Often, because of the nature of my political stance and my approach to certain topics - people get very upset with what I say. Granted, I do not expect everyone to agree with me all the time. But it becomes draining, when there is so much disrespect and miseducation. Sometimes I too, will slip and find myself getting angry, attacking someone when I feel they are becoming too personal. How then? do we have these political, emotional, morally driven and heated discussions with those who we know will not see eye to eye with us? Without of course, resorting to degrading, and childish conversations.

As a human being, I have values of my own, a stance, and opinions.... we all do. Except unlike others, I have a constant agenda, when taking space in online forums: to educate around the circumstances of tangata whenua, and indigenous, bipoc - historical realities and how that has shaped where we are today. OF COURSE, I have to expect racism, internalized oppression, even hatred if I open the conversation up to a social platform. The task is, deciding where do I put my energy? And gauging if the comments are even worth entering at all!

Funnily enough, when I got up at 6am for my run this morning, I looked at my new discovery playlist on spotify - and found a podcast under "Tedtalks: How to be a better person" and the episode was titled "How to fix our polarized conversations". It was a direct message from God and the universe that there were legitimate answers to my questions. There is research on this particular issue that has been tried and tested and proven to be efficient. Beside the obvious extremists and beyond reasonable type of people - lets look at discussions where our safety is not at risk.

The specialist Neuropsychologist Robb Willer, talked about appealing to the other persons thinking - So in opposition to saying the things that make sense to you. Try to see the issue from their perspective and understand why their point of view makes sense to them. This is basic empathy. Difficult to achieve when there is anger or any heightened emotion. If we can practice removing our emotions and entering with logic - it can make the discussion a lot easier. The advice is not to engage at all if we know the outcome is pointless and ineffective.

Respect: Because we can't connect without respect. So ignore trolls, I'm still working hard at not being triggered by some of these people but hey. They get a kick out of arguing so why wouldn't they try to get a reaction? If there is no respect. IGNORE THEM. There is also this thing called moral reframing: So your choice of words will change the way a person receives the information. Alienation of a person will never sit well. So no shaming (also something I am trying to practice).

Appealing to the persons higher nature will see that all these elements can be put into effect. Just remember they do not need to agree with you. You have to be ok with disagreements because in life their are many. In conclusion, if we really want to see change in the world, the way we dictate our spaces and engage matters. Pick your battles. And act accordingly.