Sacred physical intimacy: The spiritual exchange of sex

Art: Sun & Moon by James R. Eads

This discussion does not need to be censored. This article does not contain the eroticism or raunchy insight that many conversations on sex hinge upon. This is for everyone and anyone who hopes to grow their understanding of how physical intimacy impacts your well-being, your relationships, your self-esteem and your life. In the emotional, mental and spiritual sense. Spiritual Youtube creator Visshuda Das said that “we owe our very existence to sex, therefore it is a very sacred thing”. Naturally, sexual exchange is going to impact a person whether they are aware or not. Each sexual experience can be either positive and uplifting but also any given exchange can be negative and demeaning. Sometimes, a bit or more of either. Sex expert Psalm Isadora says that “we all need a better connection with sacred sexuality… understanding the sexuality is this powerful creative force inside of us… it will affect what you are trying to change”. This blog is about how sex is more than a physical practice.

Beyond biology and human desire we have an inherent need to feel loved. If you are single, look to yourself and what you have to offer. Not only what the other person can give you. Are you in a position to give your time and energy for another? Have you done enough inner work to go into a new relationship? Are their areas you need to work on in your own life before being intimate? Because healthy sexual relationships will ignite a positive light inside of you. The energy you give and receive during sex is a powerful force, don’t just give it to anyone. It’s almost like the saying “you are what you eat”. Because what you do with your body will determine the quality of your life. You can and will take on aspects of their personality, their habits, and overtime their outlooks on life. Be wary of leeches, abusers, manipulators and narcissists because even these types will offer you love under the pretense of sucking your soul dry. And remember that your intimate exchanges and how you feel about yourself will impact the other person.

In many cultures and religions, the ritual of sex is paramount connection to divinity and love. We understand this when looking at hindu temples dedicated to physical intimacy and the rites of many who consider sex and love one in the same. A celebration, a beautiful occurrence that includes an abundance of joy. But are we still having sex with love? Do humans really consider love to be the center of a sexual relationship?

The bible talks about sexual purity, chasteness, and sex within a marriage with one person. Adhering to the idea that your body is special, and should only be given to someone who honors your sexual being. Buddhism talks about selfless bodies, and removing the self from all interactions, only giving. These are all different aspects of how we can honor our sexual spirituality.

Infamous Yogi and spiritual leader Sahdguru triggered a lot of thoughts for me that resonate in my current journey. Sadghuru said that sex needs to be about what we can give to the other person rather than what we can take for ourselves. Meaning that if we aren’t at full capacity in our self understanding and love, our sexual interactions are self serving. Remember that we pass our energy through sex, a piece of ourselves to the other person, and they to us. It brings many more questions about energy and intention, especially in a modern age of Tinder and Pornhub. Significantly, through sex we can pass both love and compassion just as much as we pass our trauma and shadows.

I am 4 ½ years into my abstinent lifestyle. Many consider it pointless as I am not a virgin and possibly more so for the fact that I have 2 children. I understand how this can seem like an oxymoron of sorts, especially if you knew me through my hoe phase (LMFAO). But when I brought children into the world I realised I had a lot of inner work to do. As a Mother, my relationship with myself impacts the way I present myself and the way I raise my children. First of all, I was NOT going to bring random men into their lives. Simply put, keeping my bed empty means that I keep my children’s environment SAFE. That they have a psychological, mentally and spiritually sound home. Secondly, my relationship with myself required intense self love. I have learned to love myself without the validation of a man, which I so happened to be doing most of my life.

And that is where the need for a sexual companion arose within me. I remember my first encounter, an abuser where I learned about sex in the dynamic of manipulation, power and control. The bonds formed there traumatized me for many years afterwards as I had shaped my worth as a person on that relationship. Feeling unworthy, my relationship that followed as a young teen was based on something much healthier, however we were still learning who we were as people and my perception of sex and relationships was already tainted. Beyond that, a string of men and women would enter and leave my life and I would continue a cycle of exchanging my needs with theirs – unconsciously devouring my spirit little by little. Noticeably, I have outgrown that need with much self love and inner work.

I want waahine Māori to remember that we are whare tangata. We hold the house of humanity in our wombs. We are from and of the earth and therefore, the walking, fleshly embodiment of whenua. If you could see yourself as someone who loves you deeply you would understand just how sacred your vessel is. Regardless of what youv'e been through or how you have cared for it, you are more than enough as you are. I still, would love to be in a companionship with a man who makes me feel safe and happy. I miss physical intimacy but I understand now that the relationship I seek has to extend to my whole being. Loving myself means that I have formed a standard that requires honesty, loyalty, emotional availability. I want to connect with my future husband on every level.

My point being is, without a full cup I could not pour into a man the way he deserves. And I would be looking to him as a fulfilment, rather than a gift of unconditional love. Rather than expecting him to contribute to what I am missing, I come to him whole and healed. These are the things I have learned from abstaining. In conclusion, there is nothing inherently wrong with sex. But the state of your mind and spirit will impact those energy transactions. Whether you are aware or not. So go consciously, compassionately, with love and respect in your heart. For yourself first, and them.