“Forgive others… because you deserve peace”

"Forgive thy brother" - Painting by Scott Erickson

I seemed to be in a state of nostalgia throughout 11 weeks of quarantine. Here in New Zealand, we have been on lock down as much of the world has been as well. And there were so many moments of revelation that I wish to share here. This is my first blog entry in many months. As I desire the utmost clarity in my writing process. Yet, I have not been able to say anything until now without being filled with emotion. I am ready to analyse my process and revisit all the thought-provoking topics that crossed my path.

The topic of forgiveness had been reoccurring for me as of late. I strive to be the best version of myself. With much reflection I have found that I am capable of mistakes, of being tempted to do as I please, just as the next person. Even so, behaving in ways towards others that have been hurtful for me in the past. A mirror of my flaws, is continually a lesson in my own growth. Whatever embarrassing and humanly innate behavior that I have performed, I hold myself accountable so that in turn I can be a better person tomorrow.

Not only do we hurt others, we hurt ourselves. And to that end I think that once we become aware of ourselves and recognize where we have made mistakes – we can then carry ourselves forward into the next level of being. We need forgiveness to be at peace with the world, externally and internally.

The title is a quote from Johnathan Lockwood Huie. You may have heard something like this at church (Hebrews 10:8, Matthew 18:35 or many other scriptures alike). Jesus is someone in history who represents forgiveness for so many, as his whole life was given so that we may, as humans have a chance to make things right. There is a story in the bible that is told by Jesus about a slave who is forgiven for his debt, and proceeds to attack another who is owing to him – he is afterwards taken into account for his actions. One of the morals from this story is that if you expect to be forgiven, you in turn should hold the capacity for forgiveness as well.

Forgiveness is also one of the steps to recovery (in addiction counselling), to make amends with our families and friends and ourselves. Neale Donald Walsch who wrote an entire book on forgiveness, saying something to the tune, that it is a never-ending process. We have lots of things to be forgiven for, and we will always have grudges to let go of and pardons to make. Neale Walsch also alludes to the fact that grudges are linked to judgement, that our hurt is formed as a way to protect ourselves from future pain. Letting go of our hurt, allows us to be our full selves and experience real joy.

“People hurt each other. It happens to everyone. Intentionally, unintentionally, regretfully or not. It's a part of what we do as people. The beauty is that we have the ability to heal and forgive.” – Adi Alsaid.

There was a time in my life that I was so broken and hurt by the actions of someone, and they seemed to have moved on with their life. Yet I was riddled with anguish and betrayal that I carried for far longer than I wanted to. Forgiving is hard, I had outwardly displayed that everything was amended, yet inside my heart something was killing me. I held it for so long, that it turned into depression. Loathing hurt and sorrow that I could not let go of, it slowly took over my physical and mental health. So as wonderful as these philosophies are, I do appreciate that some pain is so deep and so buried and it can become apart of your personality.

Forgiveness is taking the power back, so that whatever happened can no longer have control over you. Your relationship does not need to be made the same, or reconciled but letting go in your heart will change your entire existential experience. A big part of forgiveness is recognizing we all make mistakes, we all tread a path and fall off at times. When you feel resentment… remember a time when you also did something you wish you had not….