Te Rourou Aroha: Healing through raranga -Chapter 5

The following is an excerpt from my Masters thesis

CHAPTER 5: Looking back

Chapter 5 is about my personal journey the last 2 years as a new Mother and a tauira in He Waka Hiringa. The struggles I had with my mental health helping others with their mental health. Challenges, victories and setbacks all became a part of my ultimate growth. The extension of my worldview and the lessons that grew forth. This chapter discusses the influences and the research experience.

Critically evaluate your experiences during the past two years on He Waka Hiringa

Year one was exciting, I knew that I wanted to talk about how rāranga has the ability to heal. I came into this masters with my own personal testimony of the ways in which rāranga helped me through my struggles with bipolar. I came into the interview, with my 6 month old baby, my mother for support (who was in the first waka hiringa cohort) and my 4 year old niece. I was anxious about making a commitment on top of becoming a new mother, as well as a recent discharge from Henry Bennett psychiatric facility.

I was accepted into the Masters and thrilled with the prospect of continuing higher education, as I had freshly graduated from The University of Waikato. By the time the first noho came, I was pregnant again, had ended a relationship also so I was emotionally raw and seeking to empower myself. We had our powhiri and as we were welcomed into Mangokotukutouku campus, I could feel my baby dancing in my puku at the waiata and felt a profound sense of belonging. There I was, standing among Māori who were all masters in their fields, kaumatua and rangatahi, tāne and wāhine, we all came together to be part of this kaupapa. I was excited, I had something special to share and even more to learn.

For me this masters; gave me hope, something that would help me flourish and discover myself in this new role as a Mama. I was working at The University of Waikato as Disability Support Worker, attending classes with students and taking notes for them. I was able to feed my hunger for knowledge, gain a small income but mostly help people who needed it. I was able to attend lectures on: law, history, music, mathematics, education and psychology. It was a fantastic job that I would gladly return to.

The academic year commenced, I was on top of my mahi, I handed my work in on time. I overworked the ideas and made it lot more complicated than it really was. My son grew, my puku pēpi grew and my ideas developed. I had trouble with my first year Kaiako. Although my grades were good, it was hard to get feedback and I felt as though he had forgotten me. It was off putting to say the least.

I gave my all in these assignments and was disappointed that my Kaiako did not reciprocate. My second child, a daughter was born in September 22nd 2017. Any Mother would understand the pressures I faced at this time, two children under the age of two, working and studying… but I persevered. My Kaiako still seemed to show little interest and did not return feedback on my ethics proposals for 3 months. This pushed my deadline, I missed the final presentation dates for 2017, and when he left my other Kaiako helped me to get to where I should be. I can happily say that I gave my all to every assignment despite the challenges I faced.

The second year of this masters was a chance to come back fresh, however I felt resentment towards my impeded studies. This made it difficult to take it seriously. My new Kaiako, God bless her. Was clear cut, great with providing feedback at pace. I finally went through ethics, nothing like the process I was expecting and this ultimately dampened the passion I once had. I started my community project/taonga tuku iho and remembered why I was doing this. Going through and sharing Te Rourou aroha (taonga tuku iho/rāranga healing programme) with my community really bought home my whakaaro, my passion, my practice, my desire to create things, discuss growth and see others flourish. My favourite parts of this rangahau were;

· Getting in the pa harakeke again

· working with my community

· Helping others and seeing them flourish in matauranga Māori

· Creating new friendships within he waka hiringa

· Realizing the connections between my disciplines

· Utilizing my matauranga

Explain what you have learned and how these experiences have influenced or extended your worldview.

My taonga tuku iho is the practice which bought me to this masters and it also got me through. My taonga tuku iho signifies my purpose within my community and reminds me that I have something to offer. It is the way in which I can use all my skills to benefit those around me. I have found layers of meaning within this rangahau, discovering knowledge form the past and uncovering parts of my own understanding. I have found a deeper connection to myself and my tupuna. I realised that mahi rāranga as therapy is not a new concept. However there is barely anything written on raranga as healing. Our ancestors understood the things I speak about in my research and beyond, I was gifted with an opportunity to put it into writing.

He waka hiringa gave me strength in my own knowledge, it made me firm on my stance as Māori. I also learned to appreciate how precious matauranga Māori is and how few people have it.

In terms of my project, I learned about what wellbeing means for Māori and that mahi rāranga can support all aspects of te whare tapa wha (wairua, hinengaro, tinana and whānau). I learned how much it means for me to be helping someone in any domain that I enter. I learned how deeply embedded the teaching of my Mama, and Papa are in me. It isn’t about how great we are at what we are sharing, it matters in the delivery, the environment. Manaaki and aroha are the essential ingredients for this taonga tuku iho, without manaaki and aroha there can not be healing.

Discuss some of the challenges you faced completing your project or undertaking your rangahau. What would you have done differently?

Time constraints and participants– if I had less responsibilities outside of my masters I would have conducted a larger case study. More participants would have given my research more depth. Although I am happy with the outcomes and the information I was able to collect I feel that more community based mahi would bring a higher level of validation. In the last two years I became a solo Mother of 2 children, I started this journey with He Waka Hiringa, I realized that there is so little time in a day and to spend every moment doing purposeful things that benefit my children. I grew so much, I gave up a selfish life for a selfless life and I really, truly started seeing my Mother as the teacher she always was. I had to sacrifice many things to be who I am today and to give my children the life they deserve.

I found out that I had been training since I was born to become the person I am today, that every person and situation I had been through built me up to carry my whānau the way my mother had taught me. The way my Papa had taught her. I realized how much I knew and also how much I am still yet to learn. It has been humbling but also given me much pride. I lost some parts of myself when I took on the role of Mother, because everything I do is for them. He Waka Hiringa kept my world in perspective, it gave me something outside of my children that would still benefit them. I can have moments in my writing and research that are devoted to something other than my household, something bigger.

The continuation of our culture, the way our ancestral practices can heal our hinengaro, wairua, tinana and whānau. It has all been a privilege to learn and share. I feel so much gratitude for this journey and I look forward to using my taonga tuku iho (rāranga and healing programme) to help others.

Because my research is based on those living with mental health, I found it difficult to pin down times and dates for participants who would stick to them and turn up. I ended up just offering the workshops Monday-Friday and waiting for people to come and go as they pleased. This can be really good for someone who is flexible (not me as I have children) but I found a way to utilize waiting time, by weaving my own pieces and writing when participants were not there. So when working with people who are not the most organized, I try to always have a plan B and C, because it is the nature of mental health to be inconsistent.

If anyone hopes to use this programme, I suggest utilizing the 3 day blocks and having whatever break that is deemed necessary in between. Something that worked well was running small groups and sometimes one on one. The one on ones were beneficial as the participant has my complete attention and I am able to direct my energy towards one person and their individual needs.

Conclusion/Summary

In conclusion, Te Rourou aroha (taonga tuku iho/raranga healing programme) with my community really bought home my whakaaro, my passion, my practice, my desire to create things, discuss growth and see others flourish. Our ancestors understood the things I speak about in my research and beyond, I was gifted with an opportunity to put it into writing. Manaaki and aroha are the essential ingredients for this taonga tuku iho, without manaaki and aroha there can not be healing. I faced challenges, hinengaro, tinana, wairua and in my whānau life. But it all helped me to learn about my limitations, about sacrifice, priorities, and mostly how little time we have in a day. Maintaining my own whare tapa wha while balancing multiple tasks as a Mother has made me understand more about my kaupapa. Becoming a Mother of 2 within 2 short years, helped . I found in all of this, that the importance of holistic health is pivotal for Māori. That the care of our people depends upon understanding that wairua, hinengaro, tinana and whānau all require balanced focal care. The delivery of such care needs to involve kaupapa Māori principles such as; aroha, manaaki and a connection to our whenua.

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Glossary

A

Aotearoa: Literally translates as land of the long white cloud, it is the indigenous name for New Zealand.

Awa: river

Awhinatanga: embrace, guide, support.

Aroha: Love

E

I

Ingoa: Name

Iwi: tribe

O

U

Ūkaipo: literal meaning: breast-feeding-night. In general Māori terms ūkaipo refers to the suckling of babies on their mother’s bossom – that being of Papatuanuku – Mother Earth. In this context the term refers to the archetypical role of my mother.

H

Hikurangi: The mountainous summit of the East Coast. Situated in Ruatoria, it is famous for being the first mountain to see the sun rise at the beginning of each day.

Hinengaro: The mind/psyche.

Horouta: The waka that bought the ancestors of Ngāti Porou to the East Coast of Aotearoa.

K

Karanga: To call. Or summon. Also the axchange between manuhiri and tangata whenua during a powhiri.

Kaitātaki Wāhine: Female leader, especially in kapa haka

Kawakawa: Piper excelsum. A medicinal plant used for rheumatic pain, ulcers, digestive issues, mentstrual pain and much more. It has heart shaped green leaves and is still used to his day. It is also sometimes worn in lament, as a wreath around the head.

Kete: Bag woven from harakeke -These have handles usually and are carried for every day needs.

Kohanga reo: Total immersion Māori language pre-school

Kura kaupapa: Total immersion Māori language school

M

Māmā: Mother

Manaakitanga: Kindness, generosity

Mangapehi: Iwi/hapu marae

Māoritanga: Māori-ness. Culture, traditions.

Marae: Meeting house

Maunga: Mountain

Mokopuna: Grandchild/Grandchildren

Moko kauae: A chin tattoo worn by Waahine Māori, which signifies whakapapa.

N

P

Paepae: The front entrance of the marae/orators bench on the entrance of the marae.

Pākeha: Caucasian decent/Mainly New Zealand born but can refer to non-Māori.

Pāpā: Father

Papakainga: Ancestral home of Iwi/hapu.

Pepeha: The Māori tradition of introducing ones self, genealogy and family history.

Pureora: Forest park near lake Taupo

R

Rewena: Traditional Māori sourdough bread made from fermented potato.

Ringawera: literal translation ‘hot hands’, the Māori term for people who perform the traditional role of hosting invited guests from the back of the marae catering, preparing and cooking the food, entertaining, and ensuring their physical needs are taken care of to the highest standard. This act of manaakitanga (care) is a source of mana or pride for the host tribe.

Rourou: Basket woven from harakeke, especially for food.

T

Taonga tuku iho: heirloom, something handed down, heritage.

Taha: Side

Tangihanga: Funeral procession. Particular to Māori.

Tainui: The ancestral waka for Hauraki, Ngati Maniapoto, Waikato and Ngati Raukawa. Currently a confederation and enterprise that collectively works to achieve success and prosperity for local Iwi and hapu.

Tangi: to cry

Tauiwi: Non-Māori

Tinana: Body

W

Waiapu: The river/valley of the Northern East Coast, above Gisbourne, mostly situated around the towns of Tikitiki and Ruatoria.

Wairua: Spirit

Waka: Canoe

Ng

Ngāti porou: Tribe/Iwi of the North Island East Coast region of New Zealand.

Ngati maniapoto: Tribe/Iwi of Waikato-Waitomo region of New Zealand.

Ngā Atua Māori: Māori gods

Wh

Whakatauki: Māori proverbial saying/ proverb.

Whakapapa: Genealogy. History

Whaingaroa: Raglan, a small coastal town in the Waikato region of New Zealand.

Whānau: Family

Whānaunga: relation

Whānaungatanga: in general Māori terms means the act of socializing in close whānau networks. In this context it’s meaning extends to the maintenance and building of quality relationships that lifelong.

Whaikōrero: Oratory tradition

Wharenui: The main meeting house on a marae

Citation

Waru-Keelan, Z. (2018). Te Rourou Aroha: Healing through raranga

In-text citation

(Waru-Keelan, 2018)